rose-editorialFrom: The Jacksonville Observer – by Louis William Rose

The Milk Party (aka The Children’s Movement of Florida) says that “the well-being and education of our children in Florida must be the highest priority of government, business, non-profit institutions and families.” The Milk Party says that “Our Children Deserve Better” and I agree with them. Who wouldn’t agree with them? 

The Milk Party also says that they are non-partisan and that is a damned lie. Under the cloak of non-partisanship the Milk Party is a coalition of socialists, who like all socialists believe that all they need is your money and big government to solve the problems of the world.

child_pawn03Posted by The Comeback on May 23, 2011

Every Sunday for the past few weeks I have taken my two little puppies to school, I love this moment watching all the little puppies “Attempt” to learn to behave themselves, it starts off being really serious but after a few minutes it ends up being really just one big play time for the puppies and a bunch of adults getting all tangled up among a whole group of dogs leads. When school is over I’m usually a bit hungry and I’m not proud to say is usually McDonalds or Burger King I drive to. It quickly fills a whole in my tummy, doesn’t taste so good but it does the job. One of the things I have noticed about fast food places on Sundays is it seems in a lot of cases they have become a central part of the game of Battle Chess between separated couples and kids.

child_pawn04From: Peace Talks

Using children as allies and pawns during separation and divorce is all too common. Parents who are feeling hurt, angry, or bitter, may want to tell the child intimate details about why the marriage broke down, to persuade the child to think and feel like they do. It is very reassuring to have your child agree with you and become furious at the other parent. It also is a way to cope with your jealousy and desire for revenge.  Parents may thus coax a child through questions to spy on the other parent, to tell them stories about the activities and behavior of the other parent.  There have even been cases when a parent will feign illnesses, or adopt psychological problems, in order to obtain the children’s loyalty against the other parent.  There have also been cases where a parent will tell a child that the other parent does not really love him or want to be with him, but will want to see him a lot to hurt the caretaking parent. This hurts your child far more than it does the other parent. Click here for an article about children being used as pawns in divorce.  

Children often feel loyalty to both parents, and they quickly pick up on what each parent wants to hear. As a result, they tell both sides some version of what they want to hear, sometimes elaborating on events, exaggerating comments, or altering the tone of the parent’s response, and thereby increasing the conflict between the parents.  Using children as allies and pawns only confuses them. Researcher Janet Johnston has shown that such behavior has long-lasting, damaging effects on the children’s future development.  Remember, it is you, not the children, who is divorcing. Don’t expect them to get divorced, too. In most situations it is not healthy for them to reject the other parent, expelling him or her from their life, even if you are doing so. Click here for another terrific article on this topic.

Excerpted from Your Divorce Advisor: A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce (Simon & Schuster/Fireside 2001). For more information: http://www.yourdivorceadvisor.com/.

For more information contact Peace Talks www.peace-talks.com 

(C) 2008  Peace Talks Mediation Services, Inc.

child_pawn02by Harry Butler, Ph.D. Psychotherapy

When we think of child abuse, most of us think of physical abuse and physical neglect. We have images of children brutally beaten, burned with cigarettes, left alone for long periods, malnourished, and sexually exploited for adult sadistic gratification. All of us are horrified when we learn of such cases and we readily identify with the plight of these children. Emotional abuse, however, is less easily detected and more often rationalized by everyone; abusers, the abused, and society. Yet, the lifetime consequences of emotional abuse are equal to those of physical abuse. Children see morality as black or white without shades of gray. For them, the world is divided into good and bad people, good and bad behavior, and good and bad thoughts. Children find great comfort in stories, movies, and television plots where good overcomes evil. When emotional abuse comes from those whom they identify as good, they lack the understanding necessary to comprehend why good and loving parents would hurt them. Children readily adopt rationalizations that the abuse is for their own good or that they deserved the abuse because they have been bad. Even some of the most sophisticated adults believe that bad things only happen to bad people. Thus, for example, many cancer patients believe they have done something to bring the disease on themselves. Believing themselves intrinsically unloveable, abused children often begin a life of self-defeating reenactments of childhood pain.

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